Bitters are the new Sweet (or the remedy to hiccups)

Ever since man first mixed alcoholic drinks together, other men have mixed gross things together and dared the first man to drink it. This is how we’ve come to have such a long list of disgusting sweet cocktails that accompanied most of us throughout our university years…

University was a time to experiment — a time to push our limits and try new things. Maybe you learned to speak a new language! Maybe you travelled across the world to immerse yourself in another culture’s art and history. Maybe you found an exciting new group of amazing, passionate friends who completely challenged your ideas about yourself and the world. Or maybe, just maybe, you were one of the millions of university students who chose to expand their horizons … by totally lowering their standards.

One of the most thrilling arenas in which you can lower your standards during your university years was (and still is…) the world of booze.

Everything from Cointreau-sweetened Cosmopolitans to sugary Mojitos were being drunk by university students in vast quantities. Haven’t you ever wondered why Cosmos went down a little too easy?

And peach Schnapps, ahh!!!. You tortured us for one night and we never made the same mistake again. Do I need to repeat myself? Peach Schnapps: Not suitable for drinking after high school.

Masking the taste of booze with sweet mixes and purées is only acceptable at the earliest stages of experimental drinking – once you’ve graduated, it’s time to either stick to beer or move on to alcohol that tastes like, well, alcohol.

Getting drunk is a popular and near-worldwide pastime. It wouldn’t be if we all had to get there on any sweet drink suffocated in a thickness of sugary liqueurs and sickly sweet juices. A sweet cocktail is an ordeal both going down and coming back up (and it is definitely coming back up).

No person looks good passed out in a pool of his own vomit, and one of the indignities of drinking super-sweet cocktails is that they can trick you into drinking more than you should, thereby making you look like an ass.

But more than a matter of bad image or of dumb tastes, sweet booze is associated with – not to mince words – dumb judgement.

I’ll let you in on a secret: pink sweet drinks with pineapple wedges and umbrellas is what Satan serves at his dinner parties when he plans to lure you to the dark side.

I must confess: I’m a slave of an anti-sweet impulse concerning drinks` looks and taste.

Adding a dash of bitters immediately elevates a cocktail. And it gives the drinker a degree of elegance not before seen.

Bitters are to cocktails as salt is to food. They improve and align flavors just like salt does – they help to accentuate flavor and they bring their own flavors.

Bitters are essential to many proper drinks and, as a bonus, they are a sure remedy for hiccups and can soothe your upset stomach! A dose of the bitter liquid is certainly a great way to improve your health and, of course, the health of your cocktail.

Bottles of bitters aren’t just cool bar decorations. Adding a dash or two to a drink can add complex flavors and balance to most cocktails. In these small amounts, this magical ingredient won’t make the whole drink bitter. It’ll just make it better.

I believe in the bitter cocktail community and I am a proud member of it. I think the future is a bright place because very soon our passion and desire to fight for the bitter drinks’ cause will unite the world and crush our enemies.

So now, at last, our anti-sugar camp is on the attack. We now champion the bitter cause with vigor, we spurn any drinks even rumored to be sweet, and bully the people who order them.

The present is the best time in history to be a drinker!


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